I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
