i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
it hurts more in the daytime
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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