yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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