As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
