I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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