you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize