A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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