that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
