Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
