remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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