Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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