his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
home. puking in laundry basket.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize