Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
