Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
