It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i need an iv and a liver transplant
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
