i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
