She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Randomize
