Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
