I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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