our cab driver is having phone sex.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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