Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
