one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
