I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize