HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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