i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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