Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
