a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
