i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
