i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
