I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
