god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize