I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
