The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
