There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
