do herpes really smell.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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