you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
