If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
