Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Oh god it's open bar.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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