At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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