So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
