Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
