i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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