Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He? As in you personified your dick?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
