I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
