I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
