you traded sex for a burrito?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
