yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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