my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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