is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
