Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
