Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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