i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
