I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
