I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
