So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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