Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
