Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize