he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
where are you?
Hypothermia
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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