Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
