The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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