your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
