So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
