I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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