I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
