Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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