i think my tv is drunk
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
