i don't like sucking hair
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
