you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
