Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
