Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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