Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
