PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
