yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I faked an abortion last night.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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