at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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