the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
