thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
