When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
