break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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