I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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