Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize