its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
