What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize