my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
