I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
