That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
