I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize