so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize