party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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