we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
