The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
i've created a new STD.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
