I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
