how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
