He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
