I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You're a waste of cheezeits
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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