he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
