someone threw a dead crab at me
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
