I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize