If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
