i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
